From the night of January 31 to the morning of January 2, I was thinking of what might happened in my meeting with Pastor M. I know in my gut that I will not get my justice-nor he will be answering my questions. I am sure he will feel hostile against me-though he will temper it by the need not to say anything substantial that might compromise his situation.
I knew that-and yet I hope that since I felt that the Lord wants me to deliver the message to him face-to-face regarding what he had done last year to me , to the church and the cause of truth- I am hoping he will change and open his mind to correction. Well, it was a big letdown. He really acted as if I am to dethrone him from his position. He did not treat me as a partner in the truth of the Gospel. He seem to choose his words carefully -so as not to reveal his thoughts and motivations. But the few that he commented upon-raises more questions. In fact troubling questions really.
Like -when in the beginning of our conversationt -he immediately apologized to set the tone of the meeting which is that we will be going through to the motions of reconciling without discussing the matters that separated us. Especially all those uncouth things initiated by him-and me on the receiving end of his use of authority and power. He apologized for the way we separated -but then during the 30 minutes conversation, when he has the opportunity to expalin his reasons for doing so and to make corrections or amends for this-he just clammed up. To me, his apology is merely a verbal scheme to hide his sins if he is really aware of it-and he is not really willing to make changes.
I have to say this not out of arrogance but because by I don’t want to play verbal games where I will compromise the truth. I did not apologize. I still believe I am defending the truth and the stakes are high. Salvation of those left in that church is the price. I still believe that requiring Christians to tithe -is a dangerous burden. It is the Mosaic Law being added to our justification. A christian must be generous in his giving-because his/her conscience is freed from that mentality of trying to please and outdo one another. It is genuine concern for others-the poor, the orphan, the workers who spread the gospel and teach others regarding Jesus. Giving is in a different plane-different from the minsdset of tithing-which binds the conscience and does not encourage sincerity and generosity. Giving is not about reward and punishment. Giving is about love.
He might want me to apologize for profusely insisting that the council of elders be convene to address my doctrinal problem last July 2008. But he told me that -”I am the only one with problem” and “we don’t’ have any problem with that doctrine”-so there is no need to convene the elders. In response to his I started quoting the verses and marshalling my argument to him. I saw sutrprise in his face for as if hearing it for the first time and he thought that he knew the arguments I am holding. He did not realized that my new covenantal position is different from the regular baptist arguments. Then I realized that he did not take time to read the 2 articles I gave him nor my farewell letter. His mind is close. His words “talagang matigas si pastor”..
The second thing that puzzled me is his remark ” If you only recant, after one year, I could have left JLOAPC to you”. Leave JLOAPC? To where? Is he dangling a lollipop to a child when it is in fact he has no intention to do it. There are more reasons that he plans to saty forever at JLOAPC.
I told him that I don’t need his position and have no ambition to be a pastor –especially the paid one. I told him that “what you see is what you get-i don’t hide anything” Pastor M said-’sana nga’. Which to me means-that he don’t believe what I am saying to him and thinks I am out to get his position. I told him that my dream after I retire from work is to work as a team with him planting outreaches and churches. He dismissed this with a face.
As a digression I remember Sis Tess telling him that she don’t have a copy of my letters- And you know what ? He asked me regarding this: as if he did not believe Sis Tess too. Someone or something is feeding his paranoia.
False apology, fear for his position, not really reading the materials I gave him. And the fact he avoided asnwering my questions-raises more questions than answers. I hope my previous churchmates had the time to find these for themselves without eternal harm to their souls. I am no longer spoon feeeding them this through text messages. They have their lives to live and they can make their adult decisions. I just hope that they have al;l the facts to make an intelligent decision. For that is the last time I will make an effort to open the minds of their church elders.