It did not helped me in my faith even when I studied since my Grade 1 in a Roman Catholic School run by the Augustinian Recollect sisters. Even when a nun (Sis. Melodina Ramirez) befriended me -she even gave me a book- “The Friendship Game” and even included me in a group of agnostics- Kent, and Sander.
I avidly followed two TV series MASH and Lou Grant then. I realized that -since you cannot be sure of whether there is a God or not and that you are not sure of what he really wants-man must make do. But in order to be authentic to oneself and not go down to the level of animals he must choose the high road-a selfless ethic-even though there can never be a reward or punishment in the afterlife.
But as I go through 4th year high school to 1st year college-I found out that this pespective is untenable and hard for the soul-it wants something more concrete -stable to build an ethic that can withstand tyhe tyrants and evil men of life.
This was the time of dictators like Marcos and the Soviet Unions- that can bury you in the dark where no one will find you out.
Agnostic existentialism can only thrives in a ideal world-not in one where Satan has his minions that will torture you now-and then forever.
I felt then that I need soemone to be by my side. I am nearer to the warmth of eternity but I must pass through another channel again. At least I had run past the winter of my soul that sends chills inside.